Those desperate green eyes haunt me, even now.
The doctor said she had more time, and I wanted to believe him.
So, trusting coward that I was, I decided to leave that horribly bright room for a tiny bit of peace from those beeping monitors and away from her pain.
Just a couple of hours was all I thought.
But, her eyes pleaded with me to stay, her eyes the only voice left to her.
I thought I could smell her fear.
I patted her hands, and kissed her cheek, “I will be back soon. Don’t worry.”
Still, those desperate eyes burned to the very back of my skull. My heart knew the doctor was wrong.
Just a few short hours, and I returned to find she had passed without me.
“Peaceful” is what the nurse said. I knew differently.
She passed alone, with only one last wish for me that I did not honor.
She came in my dreams three times after that, floating above my bed.
Some believers call this “visitations.”
Her eyes always accusatory, never a word, never a motion.
I always woke up in a shaking sweat mess feeling as low as a person could go.
I pray that one day I will get a chance for some small redemption of what I did to her.
Time cannot heal all wounds. Some are meant to follow you till your eyes are desperate and lonely and afraid, pleading for some loved one to stay till you fade away.