Note to Self

What would you say, to that little prior version of you?
That much younger one?

The one wearing the Roy Rodgers cowboy boots?
You remember, the boots with the heel nail sticking through his skin that he would not tell mama about, knowing she would take them away because she had found the blood in his socks already?  Boots destined for the trash bin, that meant so much to him?



Would you tell him of the burden you know is coming to him?
The lost dreams that he will work so hard for?
The times his friends will shower hurts on him, the ones he looked up to?
Would you possibly tell him of loves he chases and loses?

Can you tell him about the closed doors that will be his that he cannot pass through?
Could you be heartless enough to tell him of future passings from the life of people he loves?

Why? Why would you dishearten this younger version of you?

For revenge? To warn?

True, Life is not sweets and applause and things gone right.

Life is the pursuit of dreams, loves, friends, in spite of the wrongs done to you, in view of all. The pursuit is life, regardless of the obstacles put in your path.

Let the young one pursue whatever he can without knowing all you know.

We must have dogged focus on love, while the old ones break and the limbs swing more slowly.

The colt in the field will run and jump in the sun, just like you once did. Life is meant to be a horse halter and a saddleback, still plodding, still pulling, taking pleasure wherever you can.

The old ones look to their children for a hope-filled life, as the child still knows no closed doors.

The old ones hope the child has more loves and sunshine than they did.
As the weak ones fade, and the young have spirit in full, so goes the circle of life.

Maybe in your lagging years, you still pursue your love and dreams of your little one.
I hope it is so. I hope my little one still lives on in me. I bet you want your little one to live on in you.

I still want to run and jump in the sun.
I, for one, with live and try, and will not leave a sultry note to self to confuse, to spread fear and doubt, to dissuade from living in the now.