When you come from a world of promises and lies, you want solid ground at some point, you want something, someone, you can trust.
You want to believe that you will get something to eat in the next few days, whilst the others dance around you with smiles and full bellies.
But, that is not your world.
Your world destroyed so young was a life built on fear and deceit. A fear that cannot be described.
So, naturally one moves to the science world.
What is true, what can be proven, what can be measured, what can be controlled?
Some of us build our lives on proof because the spirit of mankind cannot be trusted. Time and history scream to this one fact.
I learned to question, to explore, to measure.
I learned to go into areas of darkness others could not, would not tread.
I learned to question the very acts of God, how to deal with it, how to learn from it.
I was never far from God, though I was continually afraid to fail.
I lost my very soul to music, exploring, taking chances others could not, would not.
When lost in improvisation, I was at my happiest.
But, in the plane I could touch, I was without a boundary.
Here a theory, but could I not prove it? There math, that I could not understand?
Finally, in practice, when “experts” postulated but did not change, I learned my place.
I would take all the theory, all the practices of God, all the measurements I could muster, and I would find a place for myself in this mirage called life, filled with enemies, temporary friends, and a host of pretenders.
I still find myself naked in my thoughts, fumbling towards a future, thousands upon thousands of measurements that no one accounts for,
Alone, I still am, naked I still am, embracing both science and the surreal world of God.
Though you may fear me, you may be jealous of me, you may not understand me.
I exist in spite of your doubts.